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The sex talk that came too soon (for me)

May 29, 2011

It has been such a wonderful week!  I have been L-A-Z-Y catching up on my TiVo, reading the paper, and having hot chocolate for breakfast every morning.  I have soaked up the quiet after the kids have gone to school, and I met friends for lunch as well.  I have not picked up a novel, on purpose, because I know I will get lost in it.  Instead I have begun: Theory and Practice:  6+1 Traits of Writing.  So far, it isn’t great, but I haven’t really started chapter one yet, only the forward.  I hope it is good, because my students need help with their writing.  And that is an understatement.  Maybe it will help my own writing… you will have to let me know if suddenly I am writing with clarity and good organization.  I have read two other books as well:

Oops.  I see that my purple fuzzy socked toe got in the picture.  Sorry about that.  Ahem.  Yes.  I gave Sarah THE BOOKS.  Which means Katie and Nicholas also have access to them.  I would highly recommend both of these books.  They are age appropriate, and very thorough.  Sarah has definitely begun some body changes:  She NEEDS deodorant, she is wearing a training bra, she has had a few zits, her hair is greasy if she “forgets” to shower, and the other day she asked, “Why do I have hair under my arms?”  And I answered, “You don’t.”  Unfortunately, she came up with proof.  She is only NINE.  That seems WAY TOO EARLY to be worrying about this.  I can totally empathize with my mom and her choice to pretend it wasn’t happening (as far as I can remember).  I never had a book, except Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret by Judy Blume which doesn’t really give you the nitty-gritty on the subject.  These two books?  FULL of the nitty and the gritty.  Including S-E-X.  I would have been just fine if the author didn’t include how the sperm got to the egg, however, before Sarah even got to that part she asked that very question:  “Mommy, how does the sperm (which she couldn’t pronounce correctly…it came out like “serm”) get to the egg?”  Thank goodness I could just say, “Keep reading…” and I didn’t have to explain penetration….ewww.  We had some tears last night in a scene right out of a soap opera:  “I don’t want to grow up!”  I told her she wasn’t grown up, and just because you get your period that doesn’t mean you are grown up either.  You have to graduate from college and get a real job and move out of the house before you are a grown up.  Right?  Right.  That seemed to make her feel better.  I am sure when she is 13 it will just make her furious.

The best part of this whole uncomfortable mess is watching Jeff squirm.  We went to see the movie HOP yesterday, and the It’s So Amazing book (aka:  the sex book) came along with us.  We were about half way there, Sarah asks, “How do you say e-r-e-c-t-i-o-n?”  I thought Jeff was going to swerve right off the road.  I did my fair share of squirming as well.  When she got to the part about sex, she said to me, “Why would anyone do that?”  I have no idea what I said, if anything.  Then she said, “Have YOU done that?!!”  and I said, “….uh, ….” and then she said “Why would you DO THAT?”  and I said, “Uh, to have a baby I guess…”  and then she said, “So you did it THREE TIMES?!!”  And I just agreed.  She doesn’t need to know EVERYTHING does she?

13 Comments
  1. May 29, 2011 9:20 am

    Oh, I’m laughing over this! I know my time is coming…let’s hope boys are less interested in all this! I remember that “I don’t want to grow up” cry. I hope I’ll handle all the body-changing stuff with more matter-of-factness than my own mom. I knew about the facts of life before puberty hit. I remember being so grossed out at how babies were made and asked the same questions – “Why would anyone do this!” She was really open about it and told me that it was when you were in love with someone it was a beautiful thing. Poor Jeff! His little girl is growing up!

    I am so glad you are enjoying some time off! Are you a hot chocolate person and NOT a coffee person? How have we not talked about this before?

    • June 5, 2011 8:24 am

      Oh, Sam…I am sorry to break it to you, but boys are just as interested. Nicholas’s nose has been deep into the sex book.

      Yes. I am a hot chocolate person. Coffee gives me the weebie jeebies, plus I am MUCH to young to drink it :) Please don’t judge me…

  2. May 29, 2011 11:22 am

    This post is so awesome Meg, for sooo many reasons. The best part: “Why would anyone ever do that?” LOVE IT.

    I am taking notes. Am particularly interested in how to have these conversations with BOYS.

    • June 5, 2011 8:29 am

      I keep wishing that there was an American Boy publisher to go hand in hand with American Girl. There is a book for boys, but I didn’t buy it. I bought the girl one like it and thought it was a little too old for Sarah for now. It is hidden under my bed for a later date. I plan on buying the boy one too, I don’t know why I didn’t. The “It’s so Amazing” book is not gender specific, it tells everything for everybody. I really liked that, because I know I was curious about what was happening to boys too, and nobody ever told me. I remember being very confused when reading “Then Again, Maybe I Won’t” by Judy Blume.

  3. May 29, 2011 12:38 pm

    Hahahah! We’ve had some of the talks already. It’s VERY different here in Sweden, though, I have to say. Much more open with talk about sex and matter-of-fact-ness. I’m pretty down-to-earth about it, but I’m squirming on the inside. Thankfully, no period yet for Karin, but it can’t be long now :( URGH.

    • June 5, 2011 8:30 am

      I would love to hear how you dealt with this. Come on Woman! Share your wisdom with the rest of us!

  4. May 31, 2011 3:59 am

    OH MY GOD! I am squirming just thinking of this! We are right behind you and I am so not ready for this. Good for you bringing the books home for her to read.

    • June 5, 2011 8:33 am

      Books save my life. That is all. Every time I have a crisis, I go to the book store. I remember after Sarah was born, I had NO idea what to do. I went right to the book store to figure out how to be a mom! I feel so sorry for my students who don’t know that books can teach you anything. And, can help you avoid actually having a conversation about sex with your children! HA!

  5. June 1, 2011 3:19 pm

    You had me laughing out loud Meg! Such wonderful writing; I felt like I was right there with you in the car as you squirmed your way through this. Hahaha. Taking notes for the future too. There was no conversation in my house; I think I figured it out from siblings and by reading some weird hippy sex books sitting around on my parents’ bookshelves (definitely NOT written for children)!

    • June 5, 2011 8:34 am

      Oh, those hippy sex books were probably more of an education than you thought! (And, probably more than your parents wanted you to know!)

      Thanks for your kind words Willow. x0

  6. June 29, 2011 6:32 am

    oh my god — this made me LAUGH when she’s spelling erection for pronunciation!!!! ha ha haha your husband! might be squirmy but oh god– comedy gold.

    • July 1, 2011 4:38 pm

      I know! It is such an uncomfortable place, to see your little girl learning all those adult things…I did do A LOT of squirming, but it was fantastic for the laugh factor!

  7. lolo permalink
    October 11, 2011 2:21 pm

    wie weet wat ik nog meer kan doen dan vingeren en zo

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