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One Foot in Front of the Other

March 23, 2010

I am exhausted.  I feel like I could stay in bed and sleep all day long.  I kind of wish that I could, but I can’t.  Time marches on, right?  I have had the usual responsibilities:  Dance on Saturday morning, a cookie booth on Sunday afternoon, dental appointments and a Department meeting yesterday.  I feel like I am just going through the motions.  Everything’s getting done:  Lunch with my high school friends (with one missing), homework, meals, dishes.  It is sort of like an out of body experience.  Still, I just want to be by myself.  Alone to read the caring bridge website again, and all of the messages posted there.  Alone to reread my last post for the billionth time, to be there again, to see her again.  I skipped a meeting last night.  My friends were putting together a poster for the funeral.  I just couldn’t go.  All I wanted to do was get into my pajamas.  Now, of course, I regret that I didn’t go.

On Sunday, I decided to start walking again. (Remember in January when I said I would start walking “soon?”  Hmmm.)   I got up and found my long underwear, my running shoes, my sunglasses.  Off I went, walking to the bridge and back, around 40 minutes.  I thought that since I have been taking a yoga class that I was in better shape than what is a reality.  I am an official couch potato.  My legs actually ached.  And?  Shin Splints.  I am appalled with myself.  I didn’t even try to walk at a fast pace.  I just sauntered.  Strolled.  It is really embarrassing how out of shape I am, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.  I got up yesterday and did the same.  (And, can I say, OUCH.  Shin Splints Hurt.)  And this morning I was up and out as well.  (Still:  Ouch.)  I did it though.  I know that I won’t be able to go on Thursday because I will be dog sitting, and I have a funeral and a kid’s program at night.  So, I am determined to make it tomorrow.  It’s ON.  I have taken the hardest step for me, which is always the first step.

I have a long list of “to do” today.  Many more numbers than my usual three, but a deadline is looming and my hamper is over-flowing.  I am going to try to be more present today.  But, I am not going to push it.  Jeff is working late tonight, so I will have some quality time with the small people who live here, and two extra dogs.  This week is dragging, but I have SO MUCH TO DO between now and spring break I have no time to wallow.

Oh, and did I mention?  Spring is here in full force.  I predicted more snow, and I fear to state aloud the fact that I think I am WRONG.  March is usually our snowiest month.  Not a flake this year.  Weird.  So, the renewal process has begun. From all of the mud and puddles atop the frozen ground grow the bounty of spring and summer.  Where out of the death of winter, green moss peaks out from underneath the evergreens.   Resurrection.  Rebirth.

  1. March 23, 2010 3:29 pm

    You’re in my head again. Between you and Christina and Bethany, it’s no surprise there’s no room for me in there! (but it’s okay, you can have it).

    Shin splints SUUUUUUCK. I had them today, too. Drr.

    • March 28, 2010 12:23 pm

      Well I like it in your head! It is fun being soul-sisters isn’t it?

  2. March 27, 2010 12:58 pm

    The ache in your heart: that will take time…
    But the ache in your shins? Girl, you need a different pair of shoes. You should NOT be getting shin splints from walking, I don’t care how out of shape you say you are! Hie thee to a shoestore, stat!

    • March 28, 2010 12:28 pm

      Hahaha, Christina! It really was because I was so, so out of shape that it happened. My shins are fine now, and no new shoes. It is amazing that after only one week of walking (read: strolling) that I can already feel a difference. Why do I stop? Why?

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