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Birthday x 2

November 10, 2011

Well, I didn’t get done with everything yesterday.  I got about half way through my second classes tests and that was it.  They will have to wait until Monday to get their tests back.  I hate that.  I remember being on pins and needles until I found out how I did on tests.  I have ALWAYS gotten tests back by the next class period:  LOSER.

Everything else seemed to get done, if not well, at least completed.  I am still not feeling well, and I am so sick of coughing.  Ugh.  It is exhausting to cough all of the live long day.  I wish it would just go away already!

Today is a special day.  It is Katie and Nicholas’s birthday.  I cannot believe that they are already EIGHT.  Geez.  That just seems so BIG.  They loved their presents and all of the special food that was prepared just for them.

I can remember eight years ago just like it was yesterday.  Waking up thinking I wet the bed, but really my water had broken.  Gross.  Waking Jeff up,  calling the Doctor, calling my mom to come and stay with Sarah and my dog Ralphie.  Going to the Hospital, and knowing what to expect.  A luxury after being a rookie.  Waiting in triage being all cocky…I knew my water broke!  I had done this before!  Sending Jeff home to get my pillow.  (My mom was SHOCKED to see him!)  Getting my epidural, and feeling awful.  Why that nurse put my bed at an angle so my head was lower than the rest of my body I will never know.  It just made my diaphragm go numb so I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  When they finally put my head up, I was fine.  The Doctor hanging out waiting for those twins to stop fighting.  They were racing to get out, and they didn’t understand the concept of one baby at a time.  They never stopped fighting, so into the OR we went for a C-section.  Seeing Katie for the first time…oh, my goodness.  And then seeing Nicholas (one minute later)…bliss.  Nicholas was only half-baked so he went into the special care nursery and I went into recovery and Jeff went with Katie to get her bath.  Everything was such a whirlwind then with family visiting, the entrance of Katie, and I never got to the special care nursery.  I still feel guilt about that.  They brought Nicholas to me in an incubator.  I got to hold him for about five minutes before he was taken by ambulance to another hospital where they had a NICU.  I didn’t see him again for four days.  I can’t even really believe that.  I wouldn’t be able to leave my EIGHT year old alone in a hospital for four days.  But what was my choice?  Jeff went to the hospital to see him every day, but he had to be in both places.  With me recovering from surgery, and Katie with me….oh, it was hard.  Plus, he was in the hospital for two weeks.  And, yes, we left him.  It boggles my mind now.  Boggles.  And the guilt.  It is thick, and it will ALWAYS be thick.  There were such long days with Katie sitting in her car seat, and Nicholas in my arms rocking him at the hospital.  I couldn’t drive, so Jeff would drop me off, drop Sarah off at his parents, go to work, and then pick us all up after work…except Nicholas.  He stayed.  It breaks my heart.  We are so lucky that he is fine and healthy with the exception of a little chronic lung disease and a touch of asthma.  And they are both so precious.  We are so blessed.  I am glad they are eight.  And I am so proud of them.

  1. November 11, 2011 8:18 am

    Beautiful story. Beautiful family. Congrats on managing to balance it all so well for so many years. :)

    • November 19, 2011 2:18 pm

      Wow. I don’t think I balance it well at all. I am always forgetting something or misplacing something else. My house is always a disaster except for the five minutes I have after it has been newly cleaned. I still wish I could find a store that sells “Alice” from the Brady Bunch! But thank you for the nice compliment. Maybe it is true, you need to fake it to make it!

  2. November 11, 2011 5:05 pm

    You are NOT a loser just because you didn’t get something done. You are a BUSY BUSY HUMAN BEING. Stop being so hard on yourself! Look at what you DID accomplish! A double birthday! And yours coming right up!! Happy pre-birthday!

    • November 19, 2011 2:19 pm

      Too busy right now. And thank you. It is hard not to see the HUGE deficit, to focus on the list of “got done” instead of “to do.”

  3. November 12, 2011 6:14 pm

    What a story. It feels especially poignant to read right now because a good friend has twins on the way (due very soon but could come anytime), also a boy and a girl, and she has a 2 1/2 year old at home too.

    I had the same thought as Liz – ‘wait, you had your twins’ birthday?? no wonder you didn’t get through the darn tests!’.

    Love that you’re posting more.

    • November 19, 2011 2:22 pm

      Oh, I hope your friend has HELP. My mom came hoping to hold babies, but ending up holding the big kid. She was the one who felt left out, and needed the attention. I had to nurse constantly and couldn’t give her the time she needed. Thank goodness my mom was around!

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