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The Long Story about the J-O-B Part Four

June 2, 2013

So, there I was.  At school.  With a BIG secret.  Feeling surreal, and ecstatic.  I was also feeling bad for my officemate.  I knew she would be crushed.  She was expecting to get this job, and I felt so bad that she didn’t get it, but I was so happy that I DID get the job.  I was all mixed up in my emotions.

I proctored a test for my friend and didn’t say a word to her.  I got ready for my night class.  And then I had to go talk to another friend who was proctoring one of my final exams so I could go to a training.  I was checking in with her and giving her some details about the test she would give my students and the former chair of my department, the one who hired me initially, came into her office.  She said, “We don’t knooooowwww.”  Which was weird.  I didn’t say anything.  So, again she said, “We don’t knooooowwww.”  Which was still weird.  In my head I was thinking, she MUST know.  Why else is she acting so weird and saying this?  So I said, “I don’t know either, but I will give you a hug.”  And I hugged her.  She said, “We don’t knoooooowwwww.” And I really thought she did.  She was acting so weird.  So I said, “Fine.  I got the job.”  My friend squealed, but my former chair’s face dropped.  She said, “Well, [my officemate] told me that the president of the college didn’t like her.”  I was horrified.  She really didn’t know, and I had spilled the beans.  She said, “I have to tell [another UFT] she has been so upset about this.”  And then I began to panic.  I told her I wasn’t suppose to tell anyone because my officemate had not been told.  I thought she knew!  Please don’t tell anyone!  She said she wouldn’t.  But, I knew she would.  CRAP!  I screwed up already!

She turned to leave and that is when she said, “Congratulations.”

I had to get to class, but I was a bit distracted.  Not only because I totally screwed up, but because of my former chair’s reaction.  She didn’t seem happy at all by this decision.  I had a pit in my stomach.  After class, I went back to my friend’s office.  I told her how I felt.  I felt like this was a political hire.  That the three colleagues (UFTs) who were on the interview committee didn’t really want to hire me.  That they were disappointed.  The whole office thing, with my officemate’s name on the office made me think that the dean didn’t really want me to be hired either.  Oh. I was sad.  But I GOT THE JOB!  But, really?  I was sad.  I was sad that my friend was going to be rejected when it seemed like everyone wanted her to be hired.  I was sad because I knew I would be the one who got the job that didn’t deserve it.  My friend reassured me, but I left with a hollow feeling.

***

The next day, when I got to work, my officemate was there.  I knew she didn’t know.  I told her that I was on a roll (and I was!) and wanted to get the rest of my grading done before class.  So I left to work someplace else.  Then I went to class.

After class I went back to my office.  My stomach was upset from worrying and fretting.  When I was walking through the cafe that is right outside our office I found a table for us to eat lunch.  This is the normal routine.  I was still going to have lunch with my officemate.  I wasn’t going to let this job get in the way of our friendship if I could help it.  When I got there I knew she knew.  She had been crying.  I told her that I got a table and she said she needed to make some copies and would meet me out there.

When she got to the table, she looked at me and I just started apologizing.  I told her how sorry I was and that I didn’t expect to get the job and I thought she would get it and I was just SO SORRY.  She started crying and I started crying and it was so hard.  But she sat down.  She told me what our dean had said.  The reason she didn’t get the job (that she was told) was because she had only been teaching for 3 years.  Before that she had been in the research department.  This was good for me to hear.  It is what I am grasping onto.  I have 10 years of experience more than she does.  I earned that stripe.  It gave me a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe I did deserve the job.  But I still felt bad.  It was still an awful day.

I haven’t seen much of my officemate since that day.  That was my last day of teaching, and finals week is always weird schedule-wise.  She was at the same training that I was, but I was further down the table from her, so we only talked a little, and we walked back to the office together.  She had to leave right away, so it was a brief conversation.  She totally dropped out of our class.  She didn’t finish.  And, I saw her for about 5 minutes on our duty day, and she just looked depressed.  The other hard thing?  Is that she applied for a job at another college.  She had an interview and got called back for a second interview.  That interview was on the day after she found out about NOT getting the job at our school.  The current chair of our department, who got the other job, and I helped her plan her teaching demonstration after our lunch that day.  I don’t know how it went, or if she got that job.  It is a possibility that she did, and that she could leave our school.  I, of course feel responsible for that as well.

So, I got the job.  Unbelievably.  And I broke a heart as well.  Life sucks that way, I guess.  I am still happy that I was offered this excellent opportunity.  It is so great for me and my family.  I just wish that my friend didn’t get hurt in the process.

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5 Comments
  1. g2-764518c1352cf3e822d5fb36a5b9afcd permalink
    June 3, 2013 12:15 pm

    What a bummer that your joy in getting the job was so diluted by the drama surrounding it. I’m sorry for your friend in a way, but you got the job for a reason, my dear. It’s not that she isn’t a worthwhile or valuable person, but you had what was needed for that position. Her turn will come. :) Take time to savor your good fortune and remember YOU GOT THE JOB! yay!!!

    • June 3, 2013 7:01 pm

      I was at school today and I was talking to the chair of our department. She was feeling the same way, and she made me feel better. I AM really, really excited. I am feeling like I have more of a voice already. :) Yippee!

  2. June 3, 2013 12:15 pm

    That was me, lizardek. I have no idea why wordpress is SO STUPID.

  3. June 3, 2013 12:16 pm

    If you got any other weird comments from a long letter-number name, it was probably me as well, not realizing how STUPID WORDPRESS IS. Gah

    • June 3, 2013 7:02 pm

      I don’t know why Word Press hates you. You are the only one that gets treated like a number! Just remember how much I LOVE YOU! xoxox

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