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Between a Rock and a Hard Place

July 25, 2013

I am not a competitive person.  I am also not a strong-willed person.  I don’t dig my heels in and I don’t like to argue my point.  My general feeling is that everyone has a reason behind their beliefs, and I try to understand the reason.  I don’t have to agree with everyone, and I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, but I really try to understand different perspectives.

I have difficulty with conflict.  I would rather do something that makes me slightly uncomfortable because dealing with conflict makes me more uncomfortable in most cases.

I also hate to make mistakes.  I feel like I make a lot of mistakes, and I suppose everyone does, but I still hate it.  I try not to make them, but that is not reality.

So.  I made a mistake.  It is a big one, because it involves all of the things above.

I thought it was time to re-do Sarah’s bedroom.  She still has the same sheets and comforter that she had when she moved into her big girl bed.  She was Two.  She still has the same pictures on her wall and the same little tiny desk that she got when she was four.  She will be in middle school, so I wanted her to update her stuff.  Since it was her birthday, and my sister is an interior designer, and my mom loves decorating and is good at it, I thought it would be a great idea to have them give her some stuff for her room as their gift.

My mom wanted to go shopping with my sister and then have Sarah leave the house and come home to a new room.  I told her that SARAH needed to pick stuff out.  I told her that maybe she and my sister could pick out some options and then Sarah could pick from them.  So, they took her shopping today.  Sarah was so excited.  When I got home, she was already home and we were late to get to golf.  I asked her how it went and she was positive, but I didn’t have time to really find out what she was thinking.

After golf, baseball and softball, I finally could talk to her.  Jeff mentioned that she didn’t feel like she had much of a choice about anything, and there were tears.  She didn’t want to seem ungrateful, and didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but she really wasn’t sure about anything.  And THEN I remembered. My sister has a strong personality.  She takes ownership of her projects, and wants to do things her way.  She helped me with my house and I had the same problem.  And I wasn’t twelve.

I had to call my sister and tell her that there were tears and that she didn’t like some stuff.  I told her that I had been thinking, new sheets, maybe a lamp. NOT completely redoing her whole room.  With furniture.  I didn’t intend for her to go so overboard. And, I am not sure it went well.  It might have?  But I have a feeling she didn’t hear me.

I have the same issues about not hurting feelings and seeming ungrateful.  They are coming over tomorrow.  I am worried about it.  I should have thought about this more.  I was thinking that it would be fun for my mom to spend time with Sarah.  And she loves to shop, and decorate, so they could do this grown-up thing together.  I included my sister because she loves this stuff too.  (But to be honest, she was an afterthought, it was more for Sarah to spend time with my mom.)  Now this is my sister’s project, instead of Sarah’s room.

I am up to my eyeballs in conflict, from both sides.  This was  a monumental mistake on my part.  I should have at least gone with them on the shopping spree.  And, really?  I should have done this with her.  But, money is an issue.  I run out.  I am not paid in the summer.  I sprung for the iphone.  This is the sort of big splash that my mom and my sister like to make with birthdays, so it seemed win/win.  I guess I was wrong.

It has been decided that my sister is coming over tomorrow with my mom.  They are going to work on Sarah’s room, but it is going to be “just like trying on clothes.”  After my sister gives her the tour, we will leave her alone and she will have time to sit and take it in.  Then I will go up so she can tell me how she really feels about it.  My sister’s argument is that Sarah can’t picture how it is going to look.  Once she sees the end result she will love it.  I am not sure that is 100% of it, but I do think that she should see it.

We can always turn it back into her room.  But see?  It should be HER room!  Hello rock, meet the HARD PLACE.  This has been a struggle for me my whole life.  I don’t stand up to people well, and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  I really hope that it all turns out okay.  Ugh.

  1. July 26, 2013 9:58 am

    Oh this stuff is so hard. All the feelings and expectations on every side. I am thinking about you today and sending you the best!

    • July 26, 2013 5:32 pm

      It all turned out fine! Thanks for the support though. It helped!

  2. July 26, 2013 4:54 pm

    Oh man, urgh super urgh. I feel for you. AND for Sarah! I hope that it turns out she loves everything and it all ends up okay. Even if not, you’ll get through it and hopefully she’ll get SOMETHING good out of it, even if it’s not perfect.

    • July 26, 2013 5:33 pm

      She does love everything. She was super excited this morning. Talk about Jekle and Hyde! Thank you so much for the support!

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