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Mayday!

December 2, 2013

Okay.  I have organized my papers and they are ready for me to grade, but.  BUT.  My 12-year-old is crying in the next room.  I don’t know what to do!  I really don’t.  Sarah is not a risk taker.  She is really nervous about anything new.  She doesn’t like not know exactly how something is going to go.  She has always been like this.  Middle school has been challenging because EVERYTHING IS NEW.

So.  I have been kind of “forcing” her to do things.  Some things she has no choice, it is a part of school, but others are a choice.  Like tomorrow is the first day of Snow Riders Club.  They have a bus that takes them to the Ski Hill and they get to ski and I pick up at 6ish (I think?  Maybe 6:30?).  She has wanted to join this club, but then when it was time to join she didn’t want to anymore.  So I talked her into going to the meeting (which was ON MY BIRTHDAY).  We went to the meeting and then she was a little more positive, but still luke-warm.  She reluctantly agreed to go so we turned in the registration.  Everything was fine until this weekend, then she REALLY didn’t want to go.  I kept it light and said that she would be fine.

Tonight was the melt down.  She didn’t want to go.  I told her that she only had to go on three runs and if she didn’t want to stay after that she could text me and I would go and get her.  She seemed fine with that, but when I came upstairs…she was crying.

*****

She came in when I was in the middle of writing that.  We had a long talk.  She is okay now.  I talked to her about her inner “critic” that tells you everything negative about yourself and what could happen.  I told her that we ALL have this critic.  I also told her that she needed to be the boss of it, or it would make EVERYTHING seem bad.  I told her that I have to physically shake my head to get that damn critic out of my head.  I told her that she would be fine at the Hill.  We have all skied there before.  She knows how everything works.  I walked her through how I thought it would go.  She left my room smiling and calm.

But geez.  It is so hard!  If I didn’t force encourage her to try these new things, she would not do anything because she is so scared of not knowing what to expect.  But then I feel like I am causing her MORE stress by “encouraging” her.  That is not my intention at all.  However, I really feel like she needs to try stuff and be involved.  She needs to be active.  Sitting home alone is okay sometimes, just not all the time.  I don’t know if I am doing the right thing or not.  I know that most of the time when I “encourage” her to do something–and every time I do she pushes back with the “I don’t want to….” at the eleventh hour–she has fun, and is happy that she did it.

I guess it is hard for me to understand because I always wanted to do stuff.  I didn’t get nervous about trying new things until college.  I never had a problem signing up and going.  I just hope I am being patient.  I think I am.  And, I hope I am doing the right thing.  Ugh.  Parenting is HARD.

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One Comment
  1. December 7, 2013 7:26 am

    O! Super hugs. Parenting is SO HARD. I think you did exactly the right thing. So even if it is hard, you are DOING GREAT at it.

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